her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
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