do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
is swine flu sexually transmttd?
Ha no, why?
sriously ive never had a hangovr this bad
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
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