i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
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