did you make any bad decisions?
many, i pretty much fell in love with a freshman...it doesn't get much better than that
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
Randomize
