The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
