Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
Randomize
