I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
Randomize
