Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
kristin has been a bad kristin
There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
Randomize
