Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
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