Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
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