dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
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