Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
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