i always forget guys have bellybuttons
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
