Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
Randomize
