The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
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