I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
Randomize