sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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