both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
Randomize
