is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
Randomize
