After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
Randomize
