There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize
