Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
Randomize
