then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
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