my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
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