Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
Randomize
