Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
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