HIV tests are more positive than that guy
i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
Randomize
