:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
Randomize
