Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
Randomize
