im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Randomize
