I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Randomize
