We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
organizing the empties. That sober.
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
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