Porn is love you can see.
I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
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