marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
God, I missed his penis.
Randomize
