She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
im calling her cock vulture from now on
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
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