Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
Randomize
