He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
Naked Twister starts at high noon
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
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