im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
i dont even know how to be here
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
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