remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
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