I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
Randomize
