My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
Randomize
