mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
