you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
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