last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
Who put my cat in the fridge?
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
Randomize
