just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
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