I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
Randomize
