I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
i hope someone procrastinates by putting up the pics up...
sarah said she can't even post all of hers due to facebook indecency rules
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
