she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
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