Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
How naked do you want me to be?
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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