you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
he high fived his dick after we had sex
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
Randomize
