Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
Randomize
