What's proper 1 nite stand etiquette?
Say hi to his dad and make him some breakfast.
I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
Randomize
