we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
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