Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
did i walk over a car last night?
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
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