We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
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