I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
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