I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
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