I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
Randomize
