how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
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