Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
Randomize