3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
No stitches, just platelets and will power
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
Randomize
