I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
Randomize
