wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
Randomize
