Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
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