WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
cat food counts as protein by the way
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
Randomize
