So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Randomize
